Reverse Motivation Hack: why telling yourself "I don't want to" can actually get you moving

For many neurodivergent people, tasks with multiple steps can feel like trying to hold water in your hands- no matter how much you try to grip, it slips away. Whether it’s because of executive functioning differences, working memory challenges, or sensory overwhelm, everyday tasks can feel heavier than they look on the outside.

But here’s the curious part: sometimes saying to yourself “I don’t want to do that” is exactly what helps you do it. Far from being procrastination or avoidance, this can be understood through some powerful psychological concepts.

Resistance as a Pathway

1. Psychological Reactance

Human beings don’t like feeling controlled- even when the “controller” is ourselves. Psychologists call this reactance: when a demand feels imposed, our instinct is to push back.

When you say “I have to do this,” your inner autonomy alarm goes off.

But when you say “I don’t want to do this,” you paradoxically restore freedom. The choice is yours again.

For neurodiverse people, who often spend life navigating structures not built for their brains, reclaiming that sense of autonomy can be especially powerful.

2. Paradoxical Intention

Viktor Frankl’s logotherapy introduced the idea of paradoxical intention- that trying too hard to avoid a thought or feeling can backfire, but leaning into it reduces its power.

By admitting “I don’t want to do it,” you defuse the pressure to make yourself want it. And in that moment of release, action often feels lighter.

3. Identity vs. Task Conflict

For many neurodiverse people, the barrier isn’t just the task — it’s what the task represents.

“I’m someone who struggles with this.”

“I should be able to do this easily.”

This creates an identity–task conflict: “If I can’t do this, what does it say about me?”

By voicing resistance - “I don’t want to do it” - you separate you from the task. It no longer defines your capability or your worth. That separation creates breathing room, and breathing room often leads to movement.

4. Self-Distancing and Playfulness

Another benefit: it introduces play. Self-talk like “Nope, don’t feel like it!” can lighten the emotional weight. Humour and novelty are known to improve task initiation, especially for ADHD brains that crave stimulation.

What looks like procrastination is sometimes simply the nervous system asking for less pressure and more play.

Reverse Motivation as a Neurodiverse Strategy

So what’s really happening when you tell yourself “I don’t want to do it”?

You reduce pressure.

You restore autonomy.

You detach self-worth from performance.

You open a door to play and curiosity.

It’s not laziness - it’s a rebalancing act between resistance and choice.

A New Way to Talk to Ourselves

What if, instead of fighting resistance, we welcomed it as part of the process?

Resistance is not the enemy — it’s information.

By acknowledging it honestly, we avoid getting stuck in shame.

And by leaning into it playfully, we often find enough energy to take the first step.

For neurodiverse minds, this is especially liberating. Traditional productivity advice often overlooks the role of autonomy, identity, and emotion. But reverse motivation honours all three.

Final Reflection

Motivation doesn’t always begin with “I want to.” Sometimes it begins with an honest “I don’t want to.”

And in that honesty, something shifts. Resistance turns from a wall into a doorway.

For neurodivergent people navigating a world full of “shoulds,” this reframing isn’t just a trick — it’s a strategy of self-respect.

If you often find yourself stuck in resistance and would like to explore strategies that work with your unique brain — not against it — I’d love to talk. Book a free discovery call, and let’s find approaches that actually fit you.